Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Last Wine Glass

So I need to preface this tale with the 411 that I have shopping issues. Not clothes. Not the mall. Not flea markets. The grocery store. (or the "wine aisle" or the "liquor branch" if they have one.) Yes, that's right. I go to the grocery for a loaf of bread and come home with >insert random "on sale" madness here.<

Tonight, tonight my friends... (who am I kidding, for the WHOLE PAST WEEK I have been obsessing (OMG it's raining, brb...) OK, as a water sign, the rain is a glorious occasion that must be celebrated (most likely with Shiraz).

What was I saying? Oh yes, the wine glasses. I had gone to the grocery store for... well, shit. Part of my charm, is my compulsive honesty. I went to the grocery for WINE. That's right folks, mommy needed a glass of wine. Which just so happens that mommy had to buy a whole bottle of wine. Funny how glasses of wine come that way. Even the mini bottles come in 4 packs so it's just not green to go that way, too much packaging... So anyway, BigHim said "Honey, spend $40 on whatever."

>points madly at BigHim wanting to parrot him saying "you said whatever; you said whatever!!!" but refrains.<

So off I jaunt to the grocery with the baby just past sundown (daddy-gets-home-from-work playtime is so glorious, who can cut it short????). Here's another blog, what's with other mothers daring ask me what I'm doing out with a baby at this time of night. At NINE PM??? Oh call the curfew police, FFS! I'm trying to wear him out and get him to fall asleep you nosey ol' biotch!

So anyway, I think I'll scan the grocery receipt. It's priceless. Literally. I proudly proclaimed to BigHim that I had only spent $54 but saved $80! This prompted BigHim to start smoking at the ears and asking how that was even possible. He then began to spout of something about the stock market and IDK but whutevev and (brb I'm going to scanner. Never mind, I had a glass of wine instead.)

This grocery trip spawned several (lost count) "put-backs" (where I said OMG I can't buy that). So the other things besides wine that I had planned on getting with the $40 were MEAT and DESSERT. Neither of which I got, per se. Unless you count 5 cans of Chef Boyardee Mini Ravioli for $5 as MEAT or my Wine as DESSERT. I count those. I do. I count them. And I recount them. And I hold them in my hand and circle the grocery and contemplate putting them back and put them back and then pick them up again and maybe even put them back on the shelf AGAIN. (BRB have to eat some ravioli to counterbalance the shiraz).

OK, so here is what I ended up with for my $54:
  • 2x Gatorade 8-packs (2 for $10)
  • 1x Shiraz (5.99)
  • 5x Mini Ravioli (5 for $5)
  • 1x Buttoni Alfr Sauce (2 for $6 - and this is sacrilege because both BigHim and I can BOTH make a hella mean from-scratch Alfredo sauce but damnit, it was ON SALE and it looked SO EASY! I put back the marinara sauce to complete the "Buy two, and save..." you know, you still get a discount if you buy just one of the pairing. You do; you really do.)
  • 1x Polly-O block of fresh Mozz ($3.69 - oxymoronic really, block of fressh mozz, but whutev. I had "put back" this cheese last trip to the store and now giddily put it back in my cart again. I am just dying for mozz, toms, garlic and basil tossed in pasta. Damn, I should have gotten a bottle of white wine too.)
  • 1x Shaved Parmesan (3.79 and not on sale, but damn, it's a STAPLE!)
  • 1x Buitoni 3 Chs Tort, whole wheat! (2 for $6 - I put back the 2nd pkg., which was also the LAST package of that kind of pasta, so this was very troubling for me. I have abandonment issues for the last product left on a shelf.)
  • 1x California Roll ($5.49 - not on sale but YUM)
  • 6x Libby Wine 4 You Glasses ($1.50, normally $13!!!) Yes, I had mourned these glasses after already buying 2 last week and thinking that I just HAD to go back and get a proper place settings, worth, you know EIGHT! yes, EIGHT! Because I don't even have a "proper place setting" of dishes but By George, give me the wine glasses! In all fairness, they were red bowl glasses that can also be used for water, tea or soda. Well, originally, I had thought that I would just go back for two more glasses so that we could have a set of 4 if we ever had another couple over. But when I went back to the store a few days ago, the glasses were gone. Or so I thought. Until tonight. Tonight, on my way past the checkout, preparing to circle the grocery for the umpteenth time, I spotted the incredibly priced glasses atop the mini bottles of wine display! (OH! I broke my wine glasses sometime before pregnancy and have been drinking from coffee cup "chalices" and plastic Halloween goblets for the past, several months!) So I carefully placed TWO wine glasses in my cart and went about my way. I thought about how if we had 4 glasses, we might as well have 6, and I eventually found my way back to the glass display. I carefully placed two more glasses in the cart and began circling the store again. I was troubled now. There were only 2 more red bowl glasses left. How could I leave just 2 glasses up there? Why not get the proper set of EIGHT? I mean, how could I not? I went back and carefully made room for 2 more glasses. That left one oddball white wine glass left atop the display. How could I leave JUST ONE glass. One $1.50 glass. Just one more. For me! For Pinot Grigio! Into my shopping cart, the lonely glass found itself. The Last Wine Glass.
  • 1x 8.5 oz Wine Stmwar ($3.29 - oops! It wasn't on sale but BigHim actually insisted I keep it since it was 1) "Made in Italy," 2) would allow me to have an actual glass and keep the proper set of 8 in our *gasp* proper sideboard!, and 3) was smaller than the other glasses, 4) it would be embarassing to return as I had suggested when I discoverd the price anomaly on the receipt. (and yes, I examine the receipt when I get home, proudly waving it and proclaiming Savings Domination!) I think the 3rd reason was the real cincher. OK, or maybe the 4th reason. Whutev.)
  • Grand Total = $54.37
  • MY SAVINGS *drumroll* = $79.20
  • Translation for men: I got $133.57 of BOOTY for only $54.37!

P.S. I had enough wine to confess to BigHIm that I've been secretly blogging about him and his family and asked if he wanted to read and he said "OH NO honey, but please please PLASE keep blogging." He did look sorta horrified. HER LUVS HIM>


cIII said...

I do the same thing at the Liquor Store. Get the Obligatory mixed sixer of Beer. The wine (Local Winery) is a Must, sort of. Then, I pace up and down the Bourbon aisle. Picking up the $60 bottle of 25 yr. Vintage. Putting it back. Picking it up. Whisper "sweet nothings" to it. Put it back. Put back Wine, get $35 bottle of Four Roses Single Barell.
Bend over at the Checkout. Go to Home, Inc. broke. But Happy.
Burn Recipt in the Parking Lot.

DQFFS! said...

ciii: thanks! I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one. Unfortunately, I failed the "burn-the-receipt" lessons given so earnestly my my Great Auntie long ago. Oh no, I have to wear my receipts like a Swamp Buggy Mud Queen wears her "banner."

Manager Mom said...

that is good shopping, and a good man.

Hey, wanted to come by and say thanks for everything. I'm shutting down the blog and wanted you to know how much your reading and commenting meant to me.

All the best,