Thursday, October 16, 2008

I can't "attach" right now, I just can't.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is to not do anything.

I am remembering my overbearing and overprotective mother, who I also recognize as having FIERCELY LOVED and PROTECTED me with the last dying embers of her soul, that still lives but is compromised.

I refuse to be a compromised Lady. I WILL SURVIVE!


cIII said...

Hells yes , You will.

You better.

DQFFS! said...


I wanted to post that Cake song but the youtubez are funkyz n stuff. I don't know why I'm "talking" like that right now.

Anywho, after being forced to watch some debate, going from complete hermit (like not leaving the house hermit) to a day full of complete social madness, to driving with sun in my non sunglassed (I can make up words because I just did) eyes and having a panic attack, to having an OCD shopping spree in the grocery store, (like FIVE pumps of hand soap, 2 each for the bathrooms, take your pick of moisturizing or antibacterial and one antibac for the kitchen... uhhh, they were on SALE, like 2 for $4 and 3 for $3...) to being sprung with the news that some ILLs (In-Loony-Laws) were arriving at 8am this morning, to falling asleep with the baby at 9pm (WIN!) to waking up at 3am (FAIL!) and drowning my anxieties in the nectar of the Gods, Red Zinfandel. Oops, I might have had ONE glass too many...

This blog was supposed to be about me trying not to smother lilhim as he learns to climb, jet-crawl, walk, and "do" everything for himself. I might need shackles (or lots of wine) to sit quietly on the sidelines, hands tucked beneath now boney and skinny ass. I remember how CONTROLLING my mother was in the name of SAFETY and LOVE and I salute her for her vigilance but I remember being an adolescent and HATING the control, I remember it breaking my soul. And then I left home and never came back (except for the rare visit every few years or so. I do call. Sometimes. I email more. I am a BAD daughter.). {wow, I've always been queen of run-on sentences, Appalachian syntax, and comma splice-n-dice, BUT WTF is .). ??? ahahaha, the grammar police may give me 50 to Life for that one but I have to leave it in because, well, because it's kind of cute.}

I hope lilhim never hates me enough to move halfway across the country in order to escape the control.

so yeah, the blog was supposed to be about that but the Red Zin made it taste all "winey" and stuff... ahahahha, "winey."