For Hire

As I'm supposed to be finishing my freakin financial affifuckindavit (for the deeeevorceofcourseofcourse), damnit, how bout this:

To Whom it may concern,
Here is my affufuckindavid: "I'M BROKE AS A JOKE, like a freakin fabergé egg that fell off the top of the empire fucking state building!!!!!!! That is all."

Instead, I obsess on finding a "real job" and why can't someone just pay me to be me...

And I came up with this coverletter...

To Mr. No Self Control Inundies,

Hello, I am writing to you in the highest, and I DO mean HIGHEST hopes of becumming your newest and most qualified nutsandberries specialist with an emphasis in dried fruit, fine wines and wildflowers.... Please let me know if I have any positions that you would like to fill...

Awesomely yours,
Dairy Queen FFS!